How to Be a Happily Married One-Woman Man Who Neither Cheats Nor Believes Monogamy is Natural.
I read a recent New York Post article on Instagram model Paige Woolen and, frankly, it angered me.
See that article, entitled “Instagram model helps women catch cheating men by sliding into their DMs,” here.
To my mind, Paige is a physically beautiful woman, a deliberately objectifying statement I believe justified in light of Paige using her sex appeal to meet her stated agenda.
If you visit Paige’s Instagram, you will find numerous semi-nude and other provocative images.
I have no issue with her photos, which do not give any man permission to treat her badly, or make assumptions as to her promiscuity or lack thereof. Being proud of one’s looks is not a crime nor is displaying those looks.
Sexual misconduct on the part of others is a criminal response, whether one believes an individual is “asking for it” or not.
Bluntly, if one chooses to masturbate over images such as these, I doubt the model would shirk.
A sample note from Paige: “ Just thought you were so cute. Was hoping to meet up with you if you’re single of course.” Really? Let’s say the guy was single and unattached. Would a meeting really happen? Or, perhaps a guy is with a woman in various photos on his social media. The woman is his platonic friend, not his romantic interest.
And now he’s branded as a cheater? The harm this could cause for the individual outside of the internet is substantial.
This is a public service?
No. It’s publicity for the model.
Speaking only for myself, I believe there is nothing wrong with expressing one’s sexuality. I’m a straight male. I used to collect “Playboy” and not only for the articles. I’ve watched porn; as a filmmaker I produced, in 1996, a documentary on the industry. Though I’ve lost contact with performers I kept in touch with for a bit, if any of them called me tomorrow I’d take that call.
I know Ron Jeremy, unfortunately.
Paying my dues as a writer, under another name I wrote an episode of “Hotline” for Cinemax, a softcore venture starring a former Charlie’s Angel, and followed that up with another softcore product for a feature film company.
Anyone can check this out. Why hide it?
When I was single, I did things.
I write all this openly, for my readers, to show I am neither holier than thou nor a prude when it comes sexuality.
That said, what Paige Woolen is doing is wrong.
Some further personal background: I’ve been happily married for nearly 20 years to a magnificent woman. We compliment each other, we’re physically attracted to one another and, with apologies to “Jerry Maguire,” she completes me.
As she says I do her.
We’re a most fortunate couple.
But I do not believe monogamy is natural. Not at all, despite a possible takeaway considering current trends.
The U.S. Divorce Rate Has Hit a 50-Year Low
Divorce in America has been falling fast in recent years, and it just hit a record low in 2019. For every 1,000…
Quoting from the above piece: Divorce in America has been falling fast in recent years, and it just hit a record low in 2019. For every 1,000 marriages in the last year, only 14.9 ended in divorce, according to the newly released American Community Survey data from the Census Bureau. This is the lowest rate we have seen in 50 years. It is even slightly lower than 1970, when 15 marriages ended in divorce per 1,000 marriages.
This piece goes on to state divorce rates will continue to plummet during the pandemic, while at once expressing that reality may not be for the best.
From the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy: National surveys indicate that 15 percent of married women and 25 percent of married men have had extramarital affairs. The incidence is about 20 percent higher when emotional and sexual relationships without intercourse are included.
Let’s explore further.
On any given day, a female friend of mine on Facebook will receive a dick pic via private message. If you are unsure, the meaning is literal. She will then share her disgust — sometimes naming the perp, sometimes not — on her public newsfeed.
Of course, gay male friends receive the same, while straight male friends … not only receive the same as no one knows the sexuality of those who are private about it, but also — all too frequently for me — nude shots of “barely legal” teen or older women looking to earn money for their “private” webcams.
A fool and his money are soon parted … but that’s not the point.
The point is how many people we all know, including ourselves in some instances, that will become aroused at such images and eagerly engage.
But does that make any of them, potentially, a cheater?
Perhaps. Perhaps not. The point is, the answer is not an absolute.
Sexual arousal is human, and not exclusive to the species. And no, that’s not an implication that all or even most of us become aroused at provocative images and texts. That’s an individual thing.
But does becoming aroused mean one will cheat? If a bored straight male, as an example, engages the sender of a nude or semi-clad photo, does that mean they’re ready to have an affair?
Even an emotional affair?
There’s a term for this. It’s called “micro-cheating,” defined as a form of non-physical engagement with another outside of your relationship, beyond permitted boundaries, which includes texting, phone sex, or other digital measures.
I can only speak from the perspective of a straight male who chooses to be monogamous. I got married, for the first and only time, when I was 36. I refuse to do anything to harm my relationship; as I mentioned it’s been almost 20 years. I’m an author, screenwriter and producer for TV and film as a profession. When my office was at Paramount Studios, I had my ongoing run-ins with young women — I’d venture to guess most of whom were not any older than 25 — who made me offers. Everyone in my position — male, female, and maybe trans — received the same attention. Some took full advantage. Some did not.
Several of my involved friends, however, jumped at the opportunity. They all said the same thing. They said they could not control themselves.
I get it. But I made my choice. I was never tempted then nor am I now. I’m not better or different than anyone. I just love my wife.
I strongly believe monogamy is not a natural state of affairs. I believe it to be, as opposed to one’s sexuality, which is innate and not a preference — a choice.
If monogamy was a human being’s natural state, the sheer degree of physical and/or emotional cheating over the years from individuals worldwide, regardless of the present lowered divorce rate, would not be nearly as significant.
Sending photos of one’s semi-clad body is a legitimate temptation for many men, regardless of their relationship status.
Why can’t we be real and acknowledge this?
If one wants to catch a suspected cheater, consider hiring a private investigator.
Onward, to the rules as proposed in the title of this article …
Rule #1: If you have the consent of your significant other to engage in such behaviors, then you are not cheating.
Rule #2: The desire for sex is normal. If you are not satiated by your partner, speak with them. Communication with your significant other is key.
Rule #3: On the same topic, you need to ask your partner if you are satisfying their needs. Perhaps they are as tempted to “micro cheat” as you.
Rule #4: If your needs are not met by your partner, and communication with them is not working, consider terminating the relationship. If you believe this step is drastic, ask yourself if you are presently prone to cheating. If so, and you do take that step, the damage incurred on the part of both parties can exponentially increase.
Rule #5: If you are tempted to sway, or add something more to your personal sex life, consent of your partner must be true, as opposed to defeatist. As in, he or she needs to be truly okay with it, and not simply patronizing you in an effort to stay together, which will do neither of you any favors in the long run. Of course, this is a two-way street.
I appreciate you taking the time to read this. The subject matter is sensitive, and I anticipate disagreement.
I would love to hear your thoughts. Let’s talk.