“If She Receives Help, She May Leave Me Sooner” Means the Issue is You
Before meeting my wife, my dating history was, well, less than stellar. My friends know it, and for this reason some of them call me for advice.
Who’s Hurting Who? Why it is Never Okay to Disrespect a Significant Other
The following is a very personal story …
When an Abused Family Member Dates or Marries a Significant Other From a Loving Family
It won’t be easy, but it can work.
Though I did not date my friend in the following story, we were there for each other at our best, and our worst, and we discussed the issue of co-dependency with some frequency.
Finding the Order in Bipolar Disorder
2020 can be a year of possibilities for all, including those who suffer. There is always A New Hope. As I state…
To be clear, I am not an expert on human relationships. I am a former special education teacher with training in Abnormal Psychology, who for the past 15 years has written and produced film and television for a living. I’m also a novelist and essayist.
I do not ply my trade currently in any field of psychology, to be clear.
But, like Harry Potter … I’ve lived.
If you fear you are in a co-dependent relationship, ask yourself if any of the following applies to you:
- You are verbally (or physically) abused, and yet you always try to “work things out”;
- You tend to stay around longer than you believe most anyone else would;
- You find yourself doing notable things, including losing your temper as you cannot take anymore and returning the disrespect, that are against your grain;
- You are embarrassed to go out in public as a couple, but you do so anyway;
- You sincerely try to make things better, regardless of personal cost;
- During those times (hours? days?) when your relationship is good and on an even-footing, you get your hopes up that such good cheer will continue, and you crash when it does not;
- Ask yourself why you do not want your partner to leave;
- You repeat cycles, perhaps threatening to leave, but you never do. And neither does your partner, who threatens the same;
- During this period of the Covid-19 pandemic, all of the above issues have become exacerbated during your self-quarantine or quarantine with your partner.
If you answered “yes,” to any of the questions, chances are you are engaged in an unhealthy, co-dependent relationship.
Sometimes, external circumstances, such as children or family issues, keep incompatible couples together. Answers as to why remaining together can be complex, but keep in mind that if doing so damages your health, you are not doing any favors for anyone.
What to do if you find yourself in such a relationship?
- Speak to someone you trust and ask for advice;
- End the relationship, which will not be easy;
- Consider individual therapy, following by couples therapy if deemed professionally necessary;
- Write a list of pros and cons of your relationship, and refer to it often. Ask yourself which is the larger list, and consider what to do as a result;
- Most importantly, recognize that help is out there, elsewhere, if you prefer to remain anonymous to family and friends. See here:
Codependency Resources - Codependency No More
Codependency resources including group support, courses, books, podcasts all in one place. A growing list of resources…
I hope this helps.
Thank you for reading.
P.S. If you have found this story helpful, this piece may also serve as a viable companion:
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