Member-only story
Navigating New Loneliness as a Recent Widower
I was young, at 59, though I do not believe age and loneliness of a survivor go hand-in-hand.
My late wife used to say, “You are the CEO of your own life.”
It was a philosophy she embraced for the boosting of good judgment and alleviation of the need for excuses should one make a challenging decision or fall short in a task. Now that I am the only member of us still living, I find myself reminded of her words as I strive not only to make all the right decisions but to keep moving forward.
Sometimes, however, keeping up the motivation to do so is awfully tough without one’s better half.
I’ll part the curtain.
Though we had each consistently encouraged the other to cultivate separate friendships and interests so as to maintain busy and rewarding individual lives, the truth is Lorie and I spent the vast majority of our marriage in each other’s loving company and we leaned on one another for support and judgment.
To many of our existing mutual friends, that all translated into a “perfect union.”
There is no such thing.
Lorie and I certainly did not have a perfect union under any legitimate definition of the term, as much as I would like to otherwise perpetuate. We had our share of arguments and like most couples sometimes they were outsized, but we most always seemed to make up in short order.
Which was a blast, by the way, but I digress…
As for honest conflicts about which we didn’t fight but held true to our individual positions, tensions arose but we found ways to make those work to our benefit. We learned the art of compromise, although to get there at times was an exercise in containing and/or calming said tension.
In other words, in terms of our being settled-in as a couple we were — I daresay — quite normal for two people who truly loved and respected one another.
That love and respect we shared was deep and abiding, and it will always be. As I look back on my marriage, I tend to believe Lorie and I worked well together because we were older and (somewhat) mature when we met. I was 36, she was 42. Though…
